I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
