____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
