you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
