My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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