the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
