Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
