no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
