how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize