the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Randomize