he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize