HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
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Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
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Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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