Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
