dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
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