i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
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I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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