I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
