glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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