You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
