So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize