the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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