i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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