please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
