Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
