why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
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No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
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When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
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