I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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