We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
