Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
