we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Girls should come with a carfax report
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
