another moral hangover. fuck.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
foreskin is a definite game changer
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize