i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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