There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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