Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
