Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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