At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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