Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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