So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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