What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
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I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
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totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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