Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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