I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize