so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
