Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
