I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
