hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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