I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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