ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize