i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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