Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
