Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
