and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
