I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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