Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
