We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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