Moan for me like Helen Keller
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
