I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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