I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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