if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
