Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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