ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
