well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
