Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
