Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
