he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
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I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
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Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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